Can Sex Save Your Marriage?
I say: YES! When couples’ sex life starts to lag, or they forget how to communicate their needs and desires… The overall relationship well-being can seriously suffer. Learning how to connect intimately again creates positive ripples in the rest of the relationship.
One of the most satisfying aspects of my job is helping struggling married couples save their marriage. I’ve received permission from two of my couples. So, I can share their astounding stories about how sex saved their relationship. Sex can save your marriage too!
Carol and Matt
Carol and Matt (*names have been changes to protect privacy) first came to me because they were struggling with differing sex drives. As a result, they were only having sex every 4-5 months, and neither one was satisfied. They described their relationship as more akin to great roommates than husband and wife. Carol in particular was craving more connection. She told Matt…
“We need to fix this as I am actually craving connection so much that I could be tempted to find it outside our marriage. I actually daydream of leaving you because of this.”
Rather than give up, they came to me as a last-ditch effort to save their marriage.
First, I helped them remember what attracted them to each other in the first place. It was clear that they did love each other deeply, and were eager to please each other – but they had no idea where to start. Both Carol and Matt had to re-learn how to communicate their needs honestly with one another. To spark their sexual interest, I gave them some fun home play options. Carol and Matt chose the ones that spoke to them. Once they got comfortable with the home play assignments, we delved deeper into sexual pleasure techniques.
A week ago, they came to a session glowing. They admitted that they were making love 3-4 times per week now, and couldn’t fathom the idea of splitting up: they knew no one else could please them as well as each other! I had to pinch myself, because it seems impossible that I get to share moments like this with such wonderful couples as part of my job.
Phillip and Susan
In 2013, I taught a workshop called This Couple Is On Fire. I had a couple, Phillip and Susan (*names have been changed) that were living together with a three year old boy. At the first break in the session, they took me aside and confided in me:
“We did not tell you this, but this was our last chance to give ‘us’ a try as we decided to get a divorce. We just wanted to tell you that we decided that we aren’t going to now as we now know how to communicate our needs”.
After just one short morning, they felt empowered enough to take charge of their relationship and give it another shot. In fact, in the afternoon break, after I taught the ‘fantasy’ section of the workshop, Philip went on one knee in front of the whole class, and asked Susan to marry him again and she said yes. I wasn’t the only one with tears rolling down my cheeks.
The reason these two couples were so successful is that they were willing to get help. Simply deciding that the relationship was worth another shot, and recognizing that they couldn’t save it alone set them up for success. Sex is about more than just the physical act: it is about communication, cooperation, and connection.
You might be saying to yourself, there is no way my partner would come in to see you. That’s why I also offer Skype sessions! However you do the sessions, the important part is getting help to learn how to love and pleasure each other again. I feel truly lucky that I get to be the one to help! Book a session now.