This month and next month, we’re going to talk about a subject that we don’t often discuss here on the blog: sex. While it is something that affects nearly all of our lives, this is a subject that we still don’t feel comfortable talking about in our culture. However, to have the best possible intimate experiences, we need to!
Today, I want to provide creative solutions for a problem that nearly all long-term couples will face during their relationship: feeling too tired for sex. Despite life being busier than ever before, many of us have an unnecessary sense of shame that makes us want to hide this “secret” — even from ourselves and our partners! We deny how we actually feel so that we can appear more desirable, and to reduce the risk of disappointing each other.
But this simply doesn’t mesh with real life. With full-time jobs, kids, bills to pay, events to attend, mental health challenges, difficult life events, and so on, it shouldn’t be surprising that we have no energy left for sex.
Thankfully, there are creative strategies that you can use to stay connected with your partner — despite this seemingly unconquerable problem. Explore my first list of ways that you can overcome fatigue to create a fulfilling sex life.
Don’t have “left over” sex
Did you know that exhaustion can kill a sex drive? Evening sex is when you are at your worst energy-wise. Why give your worst to yourself and your partner? It’s a real thing and there’s a name for it: left over sex!
For parents, this is a major issue. Challenging bed times, daunting daily tasks, homework, etc. can be simply exhausting.
The problem is that by waiting until the kids have gone to bed, you will be exhausted. You’ve not made yourselves a priority, and not only that, but you aren’t giving your partner your best self. If you want to improve your sex life, change your mindset.
Have sex at different times
of the day
- Turn your morning caress into a morning romp. A man’s libido is highest in the morning.
- Afternoon delight: A woman’s hormone levels are at their peak during this time.
- Weekend mornings are begging for a romp in the sheets!
- Bring home lunch and indulge in each other for dessert.
Hitting a wall?
Let’s get creative
- Trade dates with a friend you are comfortable with.
- Ask a relative for weekly babysitting.
- Hire a neighborhood babysitter.
- Spend time out of the house — book a hotel room.
- Get a lock for your door.
Practice communicating your needs
Communication is the cornerstone to a great sex life. Couples who are comfortable asking for what they want will have better sex than those who stay quiet. Where to start?
- Counter talk: Talk about sex outside the bedroom to express your needs and desires.
- Use “I” instead of “you” messages. For example: “I need more connection with you. Would you be willing to talk about something new to improve our sex life?”
- Keep the communication in the bedroom 100% positive. Always encourage, never discourage.
- Hand gliding: Place your hand on top of theirs and guide them where you want to be pleasured.
Simmer each other
Simmering is the act of teasing and flirting. Do this from the last time you made love to the next time you make love. Keep each other engaged by taking moments to enjoy the pleasure in between sessions. Even if you aren’t especially in the mood to be aroused, it will pay off in the end.
Let’s get simmering
- Send a sexy text or a short email describing what you loved about your last love making session. For example: “I went wild over your breast massage last night.”
- Pay each other compliments, and fuel the fire to increase their confidence. For example: “That red dress you wore last night was a real turn on for me.”
- While your partner is doing the dishes or cooking, give them a hug from behind and let your hands wander.
M-C Relationship Bliss
Get moving together
Exercising can stimulate your body and blood flow — especially to the genitals. Endorphins will also increase to elevate your moods.
- Go on a walk together or try a new bike trail.
- Visit the gym and show each other a new move.
- Sex in itself can in itself help with your fitness level.
Next month, we’ll be looking at even more tips for igniting your sex life. Until then, check out the following resources:
Need a Couples Communication or Sex Coach?
Book a free 15 minute session here: https://calendly.com/mcthauvette/15min
Need sleep tips?
Marie-Claire Thauvette offers an effective workshop to help you to get more sleep.
Need a Baby Sleep Coach?
Listen to this podcast: https://www.babesandbeyond.com/
Better Bedtime with Kim Davis
Until next time, keep your passion simmering!